Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
