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I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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