Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
