apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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