that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
