Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
