so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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