u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
