I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
