I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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