I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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