Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
