The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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