Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
