i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
