Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
