I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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