she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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