is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just google imaged poop.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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