Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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