Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
