he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
