I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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