Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
