I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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