i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
