i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
