I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
