Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
