You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
