he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
