dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
