worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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