well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
