You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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