Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I am midnight drunk by noon
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
