I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
