I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
