that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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