Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
