Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
