Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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