Cold hands, warm shart.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
