And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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