i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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