I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
