the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
