I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
