I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
