he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
