I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
